Israel's Mid-Life Crisis

At 60, Israel appears to be going through what the cliches of pop psychology might call a mid-life crisis. Since the exit of Ariel Sharon, the last larger-than-life leader from the days of Israel's youth, everything has seemed just a bit blah for Israel. Here are some key symptoms of the crisis:

* Self-questioning - The secular majority in Israel seems to have lost its moral bearings and sense of purpose. This is not necessarily praise for the religious population, since their own moral vision can often be insular and restrictive. Yossi Klein Halevi puts the problem succinctly:

When socialism waned, the society lost its moral certainties. No official ethos has replaced Labor Zionism. Add three more factors--the rise of consumerism, the constant threat of war and terrorism, and the ongoing occupation--and the strain on ethical norms becomes formidable.

* Conspicuous consumption and indulgence in luxuries - Hello, Ehud Olmert. While Olmert is probably somewhat unfairly vilified for his extravagances (which aren't really that extreme, he has become a symbol of corruption, hedonism, and moral bankruptcy among Israel's leadership. Similar indulgences in corruption and hedonism among Palestinian Fatah leaders, combined with the inability of those leaders to achieve political goals, led to the erosion of popular support for Fatah and the rise of Hamas. Unfortunately, there is no party in Israel that can claim freedom from corruption--certainly not the religious parties. As an individual leader, Tzipi Livni has the cleanest hands around, if only because they are the least experienced.

* Sexual affairs, especially with someone much younger - The prime exhibit is Moshe Katsav, Israel's previous President, who was accused of rape. Of course, sexual affairs are nothing new, but Katsav's hesitance to resign contributed to the sense of shamefulness and crisis.

* A deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished - Peace process, anyone? After 60 years, it's still a crowd-pleaser in much of the Muslim world to rant about wiping Israel off the map. Israelis are asking what, if anything, have they accomplished in terms of gaining acceptance from their neighbors?

* Desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness - The military glories of Israel's youth resound in the national consciousness, but they are increasingly remote memories in a country that feels impotent in light of today's threats, despite its large military arsenal. The inconclusive Second Lebanon War was a major national embarrassment, as are the daily rocket attacks on southern Israeli towns from Gaza--not to mention the steady stream of belligerent verbal abuse wafting over from Iran.

How to cope?

The best treatment for a mid-life crisis is to change one's mental outlook, finding new purpose in your life without giving into quick fixes and poor decisions. It will take a new, younger generation of political leaders to restore faith, credibility, optimism, hope and a sense of civic mission to in Israel. Those leaders need to stand up soon, because political, military, and social challenges loom large on the horizon.

How to Take Over Lebanon: A Step-by-Step Guide

By Hassan Nasrallah

Step 1: When all Lebanese militias agree to disband in order to end a civil war and reach national peace and reconciliation, make sure your militia does NOT disband. In fact, make sure your militia starts arming itself ever more heavily with the most advanced weaponry that your friendly co-religionists can supply. That way you'll be able to intimidate the national army in no time. Now, the other Lebanese might not like all this very much, and they might start asking questions about why you need so many weapons - so that brings us to the next step.

Step 2: Create phony excuses for using your military power "defensively." Provoking Israel into attacking you will work wonders here. Try invading Israeli territory and killing and kidnapping their soldiers. You won't even have to kidnap too many -- the Jews are very touchy. This will create a great pretext for you to flex your military muscles and intimidate the rest of Lebanon.

Step 3: Now that everyone sees how many weapons you really have and how strong you are, demand control over all government decisions. This is a tricky step because the other Lebanese are still going to be hesitant to give you so much power. But don't give up, no matter how many months it takes. And if they still won't budge, then send your troops into the streets to fight and take over territory. Sounds risky, and sure, it will be a little bloody, but you don't really have to worry too much -- no one else has a militia anymore (see Step 1). After that, you'll be able to oust the government and get a veto over national decisions for sure.

What steps come next? Well, there are a couple of different ways you can go, but here's what I prefer.

Step 4: Consolidate your control over the government until it is absolute. Use that control to dissipate the power of the national army, so that it poses virtually no challenge to your authority. Of course, you will want to make sure you continue increasing your own military strength all the while, since that is the source of your power.

Step 5: Turn all of Lebanon into a revolutionary Islamic republic. At the end of the day, this is the goal that really keeps us going, right? Some people won't like this move (Christians, liberals, whatever). It's OK -- they will either get used to it or move to France.